@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize