i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
