I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
