And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
