I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
