She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize