Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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