We're facebook friends in real life
just tell him i said nine months
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
