angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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