What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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