When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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