i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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