You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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