My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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