i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize