I'm gonna have a badass scar
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the condom got lost in my hair
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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