I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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