The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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