Your tits are I can't wait for
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
