Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
