Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw a hot homeless man
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
