In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
tell me about the eggs
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
