Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
