You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
