When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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