So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
