Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
