everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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