Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
