She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
