I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Success! We fucked roommates!
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