what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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