you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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