my phone needs a breathalizer
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
