I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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