what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
