wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
