I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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