fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
