I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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