they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
