I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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