I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
