Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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