Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
