Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
