9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
