Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
