He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
