went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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