What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
