My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
