when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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