Betty ford says i'm here all night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
