I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
