I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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