my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
