The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
