There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
