Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
