There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
