apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
