you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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