1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
