dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How's work?
Spinning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
