Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
found the other keg... it's in the tree
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
