He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
