I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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