It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
