elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
