it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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