In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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