Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
