i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
