I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
