Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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