When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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