I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
