just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
