waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
