Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
