Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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