You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
