fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
