Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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