An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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