Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize