guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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