i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
