if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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