It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
