Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
