do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
