We're like a lot better than the average bears
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
