I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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