We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
