I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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