I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
