Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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