I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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